you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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