Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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