Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
