Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
