oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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