i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We're too hungover to prance.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
