We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
