remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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