Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Farmville is her only friend.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
