I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
