We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
