so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
