my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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