Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
