somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Randomize
