I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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