If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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