You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
