i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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