Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
