I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
