Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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