marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
