i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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