she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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