Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
