We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
