fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
