All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
