Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
