dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
