My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If I die, sorry about rent.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
