I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
