I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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