Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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