I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
