If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
