feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
