Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
