I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
