I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
