i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
