You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
