So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
