I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
