Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
