I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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