Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
