Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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