my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
