Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
where does the pee come out of this thing
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
